Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize