You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
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She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
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My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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