Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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