Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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