I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize