he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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