I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
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At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
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You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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