the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize