Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It's blow job season.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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