3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
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Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
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Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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