i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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