remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize