I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
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It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
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You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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