I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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