There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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