Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
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the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
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She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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