Apparently you make a good broom.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize