I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
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She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
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This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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