I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
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we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
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I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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