if you like me you must not know who I am
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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