I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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