Having a random hookup so left but love u
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize