he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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