I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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