yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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