If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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