you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
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They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
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It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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