Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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