I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
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My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
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In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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