I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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