I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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