I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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