someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
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all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
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I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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