...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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