k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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