Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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