Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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