a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize