The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
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I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
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The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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