I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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