I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
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I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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