"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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