so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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