I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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