yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
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Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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