You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize