i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I stole a fireplace last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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