My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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