You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize