He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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